Wasted Tears

Every move they made seemed cautious, as if they were both afraid of what the other would do. Gently he continued to kiss her, but the memories that played on his mind meant he was holding back.
He knew this time there was something different between them, but it was this change that terrified him. From past experience he knew what could happen- he had already seen how Jane had ended up.
Turning away he broke the kiss, releasing her hand. 'Sorry... I..' He looked down, trying to hold back all the desperation he had felt in that room before it resurfaced. 'I don't think its a good idea..' he said slowly. He was probably coming off as cold, but in his head he knew it was better to come across like this now before she ended up getting really hurt.
He quickly edged towards the bread and water, to avoid the conversation. He knew he was being petty to some extent, but he had decided long before now he was better off alone.

He broke the kiss, leaving Charlotte clueless and confused.
As he spoke, she did nothing but open her mouth slightly.
"I- I'm sorry.." she whispered and turned away blushing.
Her cheeks were burning, but so was everything else on her body. Her chest hurt, her eyes were stinging, and her whole body felt as if it was being burned alive. She couldn't do anything but look down.
What had made her think he was even the slightest interested in her?
How foolish she had been...

He looked back at her for a moment, her face crestfallen triggering a pang of guilt.
Right now he didn't know excatly what to do. He was never one to deal with feelings, or problems. Alcohol, running away... He could never face anything.
He shook his head slightly, focusing on dipping the bread in water and taking a few mouthfuls. But his hands were shaking. He wasn't sure why. Irritated he put the bottle back down and leant back against the wall, closing his eyes.

It was almost as if he was ignoring her. Something had changed in him so quickly, it almost scared her. But why? What had she done? Was it because she kissed him...?
It wasn't just the rejection that hurt. A rejection she could deal with, she was used to it. But this sudden lack of interest in her, this sudden act of ignoring her.. that hurt more than she could bear.
A few silent tears ran down her cheek, and she quietly got to her feet and left for the bathroom. Dimitri wouldn't even notice until the sound of the door closing behind her as his eyes were closed.
She doubted he would even care.

He opened his eyes when he heard the bathroom door close.
He kept telling himself over and over that this was for the best, even if she was going to have to hurt in the process.
Looking at the door he wondered what she was doing inside. He rested his head in his hands, exhaling. It took great difficulty to resist letting everything that had been building up take over and just cry. But he hadn't since the day he first found that room by the basement, and he knew if he started he would just end up a mess.
Instead he got up and walked over quietly to the door, sitting beside it. He still couldn't hear much, but he sat in silence, just to make sure she was ok.

She sat down on the toilet seat and put her head in her hands.
She didn't want to start sobbing. She was scared that if she started crying for real, she would never be able to stop. She was also scared Dimitri would come in and see her crying, as there was no lock for the bathroom door.
Then she started thinking how Dimitri probably wouldn't come in to look after her. He probably didn't even care that she was in there. He was the one last thing she really cared about after everything that had happened to her after coming here, and he just... didn't care...
That was it, she couldn't hold it in anymore. She started letting out soft sobs as she burried her face in her arms, letting it all out. She hated this place. Hated it. And now there was no longer anything good about it. Nothing. Only missery. Her cries became louder as she started hyperventilating, but still not loud enough for Dimitri to hear from where she left him. From where she thought he still were. With his eyes closed against the wall. Still not caring.

Eventually he heard the faint sound of Charlotte crying, gradually becoming louder even through the door and wall. He sat there just listening, unsure whether or not he would be able to make a difference. She just didn't understand right now that caring for him was a bad idea... although he had spent the last 2 years trying to get that across to her and she still hadn't managed to figure it out.

She stopped crying, desperatly wiping away her tears and staring blankly ahead.
She knew she would have to go out sooner or later and face him. It would probably not be awkward, as he would surely just keep ignoring her, but it would be painful. And she didn't know if she was ready for it.
She wished with all her heart that she didn't love him... she wished she didn't love at all... at least that's what she was telling herself. Deep down she knew if she had the choice she would keep loving him.
"I hate you.." she said to herself. It wasn't meant towards Dimitri. It wasn't meant towards anyone. It was meant for her. She hated herself. She was just too stupid..

Gradually she stopped, and he hoped that meant it was over. Well over to the extent that she would stop crying- having to listen to that had been painful enough. He knew obviously that as long as they were roomed together it would be awkward, and that not crying by no means meant someone was ok.
Slowly he waited for her to get up and out of the room. He didn't really want her to find him waiting for her by the door. It was better if he acted like he didn't care so she got the message quickly. This surely would only get her hopes up. He worked his way towards standing, resting against the wall to get up on his feet. That way if she opened the door on him he could say he needed the bathroom, and act as if he had only just made his way over.
Bitterly he heard Charlotte say 'I hate you' from behind the door. The words hurt, but he knew that it was probably better if she just hate him. At least that would keep her away.... This was what he told himself at least, ignoring how much he desprately didn't want her to hate him.

She could feel the tears stinging in her eyes again, but refused to cry.
Instead, she dressed naked and turned on the shower. She felt dirty and exhausted. She only hoped this would help, if only just a little, on her misserable mood.
She stepped under the hot water, letting the water wash away the tears on her face.
Charlotte focused on the sound of the water running, trying to block everything out. Trying to forget for just a second. Still, the silence broke her heart, and she started singing.

"Is it just me... did I commit a crime?
I won't believe that loving you was just a waste of time...
Or was it in my head? Reading into things you never said..."

The song came out broken and horse, so she coughed to clear her throat and sang louder when she began again.

"If I still believe you love me, maybe I'll survive.
So I tell myself you're coming home like you've done a million times,
and if it's alright I'll still be loving you,
'Cause I can't break it to my heart..."

She knew it was childish to sing self pitying songs. It was stupid, just like her. But she couldn't help it. She always found a comfort in singing from her heart. No matter how pathetic or stupid it was, it had always been her way of coping. She just needed to let it out.

He heard the shower... and the singing.. and..
He couldn't do this. There was nothing in here to help. Nothing to help him avoid the situation, or blank out her voice. Pacing he walked back and forth repeating thoughts in his head... memories.. conversations. In frustration he sat down in the middle of the room, his legs giving in. He was tired.. and sleep normally helped.
He shivered, realising how cold he was. And he was alone.. lying there like he had done in there.
His back was facing the bathroom door, and he ws huddled up as if he was asleep. In reality his eyes were shut to block everything out, but he was still wide awake.

"If it's ok..."
The singing came to an abrupt, soft stop as she turned off the water.
For a while, all she did was look at the handle and think of nothing. Just blanking everything out. Then she realized she needed to get out. She couldn't stay in here forever.
She got out, dried herself quickly and had just gotten her clothes back on when she started feeling the sensation of the sleeping gas.
No... not now... not yet...
"Dimitri!" she cried out. She didn't want to leave him, and she was scared she was going to end up with someone bad. Like that girl who hurt Odette.
"Dimitri, I.. I think I'm..."
That was the last words she could utter before her mind became too dizzy to speak, and she fell to the floor, asleep.

He turned over immeadiately when he heard her shout, but he already knew what she was worried about as drowsiness over took him.
In a way he was relieved- he couldn't run away in a place like this so the Villain was taking him away from his problems instead. But in another sense he hated it.. when someone wasn't your roommate they were just as good as dead until you next met them. There was no way to prove they would be safe. Like Jane, this could be the last time he spoke with her and then the next time she, or even he, could be a body under the floorboards.
'It will be ok..' he mumbled, but it was difficult to talk. Slowly he eyes were forced shut, and then everything went black.